I understand the love of toned stomaches, hip bones, collar bones and thigh gaps. But I’m not prepared to sacrifice nutritional requirements, and healthy looking skin and hair to get them. I’m calorie counting and controlling, and exercising too, but I’m also taking multi vitamins and cod liver oil. Ive seen so many girls on here who have beautiful figures, respect your bodies, take supplements. X
Current Weight: 187.4lbs
Goal Weight: 130lbs
Here my journey begins. Ultimately, I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
My weight started piling on at the age of 7. My only sibling was sent to boarding school and I was down a playmate, so not only was I exercising less but food became my comfort. This was my pattern for a few years until puberty hit, and even more weight piled on. By 14 years old I was a size 16. I wouldn’t say I was bullied at school, I just didn’t have a lot of friends….like so many teenage girls, I placed huge importance on being popular and (in my mind) this directly correlated with being skinny. I think by holding this belief, I didn’t leave much room for making friends who would accept me as I was.
At 16 I made a group of friends, outwith school, who completely accepted me for who and what I was. For the first time in a long time I could remember feeling like I fit in. This group were what my parents would have referred to as “the wrong crowd”. I suppose in retrospect they were right. Within a year of being in this circle, I was disappearing to all weekend illegal raves, hosted anywhere from muddy fields and woodland forests, to tresspassing underground bunkers. I discovered the world of stimulants, and their effects of elation and weight loss became addictive. At my lightest I was down to 105 pounds, which for my frame looked skeletal. It was my, at the time, boyfriend who finally told me to cut the crap. He forced me to take a good hard look at what I had done to myself and made me start eating again. To this day I regret the stress I put my parents through, and pray that if I ever have children, that they are wiser that I was and that they don’t put me through the same.
Over the next few years it seemed that I jumped between eating normally and gaining a few pounds, to extreme guilt and buying all the diet pills on the market, dropping again to an unhealthy weight.
Now here I am, almost 24, and verging (if not) obese. I have been living on my own for the last three years after having left home to peruse further education. This period of my life has been, at times, completely overwhelming - family illness, home sickness, heart break, university pressures, loneliness - and food yet again has been my comfort. But I believe I came out stronger, and fatter.
It’s 2013, the year of change, and here is what I will be trying to remember :-
1. People who don’t like you for the way you look, aren’t worth your time anyway.
2. Have faith the yourself, you have no idea what you are able to cope with until the world demands it of you. You’re stronger that you think.
3. So many things in life are outwith your control and life can feel completely overwhelming, take back control in the areas you do have power over, life will seem more manageable.
4. Only seek acceptance from yourself.
So you all know me quite well now. To much honesty? I’ll post regular updates along my journey. Join me, give me feedback, or even just send luck. All will be welcome.